If you’ve read my post about my breastfeeding journey, you’ve already heard me sing the praises of The Leaky Boob, an online support forum for breastfeeding moms. Throughout my struggles with breastfeeding, I’ve consulted TLB’s website and Facebook page for answers to my questions and for a bit of cheerleadng when I was feeling particularly discouraged. If it weren’t for Jessica Martin-Weber and the wonderful community she has built, I may have given up on breastfeeding by now, so I was thrilled to get the opportunity to listen to her speak at MommyCon.
I was fortunate enough to grow up in a house where long-term breastfeeding was the standard. My mom was an attachment parent who believed in nursing on demand and letting her kids self-wean. It wasn’t ever strange to us to see a woman feeding her baby at the breast, because we’d watched our own mother do it literally thousands of times. (Three exclusively breastfed babies, each nursed until they were at least two? You do the math. Lots of breast milk at our house!) So when I found out I was pregnant, it was never a question of if I was going to breastfeed. I didn’t really think of doing otherwise until I had to.
Unfortunately, for a lot of families, this just isn’t true. So many kids who grew up in my generation were formula babies, so breastfeeding just wasn’t something they were exposed to and seeing a woman nurse her baby is foreign to them. I’ve had discussions with colleagues and friends who feel awkward or get downright disgusted seeing a woman breastfeed in public, and they find it disturbing that some women breastfeed their kids beyond a year of age. I find both of those things incredibly sad, but it’s a very common feeling among adults in our country.
Jessica’s mission is to change that.
In her talk, Jessica gave a brief overview of her journey as a mother and how TLB got its start. And then Jessica went right into the heart of what she had come to talk about: normalizing breastfeeding.
One of the phrases you often hear people tout is “breast is best,” but many lactivists take issue with this wording. While it’s true that breastmilk is the optimal food source for infants and young children, to say it is “best” is missing the larger point: it’s the default setting. Anything else should strike us as odd. Breastfeeding is natural and normal and should be the standard. As Jessica pointed out several times in her talk, human beings are mammals. The word “mammal” itself is based on the fact that we feed our babies from our mammary glands. No other member of our clade feeds its young the milk of another species, so it should seem strange to us that so many humans choose to do so.
This is not to say that alternatives to breastmilk have no place. I, of all people, am well aware that formula is sometimes necessary for women who have circumstances that prevent them from exclusively breastfeeding. However, many women reach for formula before even attempting to breastfeed because it’s become so prevalent among American families.
The benefits of breastfeeding are pretty obvious. Aside from being the healthiest thing you can feed a newborn, breastmilk has so many advantages! It’s free, for one. As someone who has to supplement out of necessity, I can attest to the fact that formula is hella expensive. Being able to exclusively breastfeed would have saved us SO much money! It’s also way easier. No bottles to prepare, wash, or sterilize–just whip out your boob, pop your baby on, and you’re good to go! And you never have to worry about whether or not you’ve packed enough food for your baby! When it comes to frugality and convenience, you really can’t beat breastfeeding.
So why isn’t every woman jumping on the breastfeeding bandwagon? Well, there are a lot of reasons. Some women just aren’t educated on the benefits of breastfeeding. Others may not have a good support system, so they give up when they encounter challenges. And for many, it’s just not something they consider because they haven’t had exposure to it.
Normalizing breastfeeding and making it the default setting will have so many positive effects on our society as a whole, and rather than listing all these benefits off herself, Jessica had the audience do a sort of group-brainstorming activity. We raised our hands and shared in turn our visions for how the world might change if breastfeeding was the norm:
- We would be a healthier, smarter, and more productive community.
- Moms who struggled with breastfeeding would have a better support system.
- Our body image would improve.
- Women’s bodies would no longer be just another marketing tool, and we would be objectified less in popular culture and by individuals.
- There would be less sexualization of young girls.
- Breastfeeding support from medical professionals would improve.
- Women like me who need specialized equipment would have it covered by insurance.
- More options for women who can’t breastfeed would become available.
After several minutes of this discussion, Jessica Martin-Weber chose to do a giveaway for a Kiinde direct pump starter kit. She asked all the pumping moms to stand, which was a lot of women including myself. She then dwindled the numbers down by asking us to keep standing based on how many times a day we pumped. After she got up to six times a day, very few of us were still standing. She then asked if there was anyone in the audience whose baby had never latched and consequently was an exclusive pumper. I was standing off to the side of the stage, where we had taken Charlie to get him changed, and I knew Jessica wouldn’t be able to see me behind the massive stroller that was on the stage for a giveaway. I somewhat timidly walked forward around the side of the stage, raising my hand.
I was the only one left standing.
Xza, the MommyCon founder whom I had met the night before the conference, spoke up.
“This mama has a huge, heavy pump she asked us to stash at the registration desk this morning so she could pump while she’s here. She hauls that thing around with her everywhere so she can feed her baby.”
That kind of took me aback. She made me sound like a saint, but it hasn’t ever seemed like a sacrifice to me to pump all the time for Charlie. It’s just… I dunno. It’s what I have to do, so I do it. I don’t produce enough milk to feed him off my breasts alone, and I don’t know if I ever will, but I haven’t ever considered it an option to just throw in the towel and give up on pumping. He’ll get as much as he can for as long as I produce it, because that is what I have been raised to do: use my body to feed my baby.
I feel like that’s what’s at the heart of normalizing breastfeeding. Most of us struggle with it. It’s not easy, and anyone who tells you differently is sugar-coating it. But if we make it the norm, more women like me who do have an uphill battle will keep going instead of giving up when the going gets tough, because they will have shoulders to lean on and resources to help them through. More babies will get the precious nutrition and antibodies their developing systems need. And maybe next time, I won’t be the only one standing, because moms like me will see that, yes, it’s hard, but it can be done, in spite of the challenges we face.
It was so great to get to see Jessica in person and hear her speak. I really hope she considers coming back next year to talk to us again and share her passion for breastfeeding. She has been such a personal inspiration for me, and I know her work is making a difference in the lives of mamas across the country.
